respect my authoritah

Today was one of the best days at work I've had in a long time. It's probably mostly due to me sleeping in today and not going to work until noon, but that's beside the point. At least, I'm declaring it such. When you're the boss, you can do that sort of thing.
     I attended the inventory for one of our other stores last night. Not by choice, mind you, it's mandatory that all managers attend all inventories. Anyway, it was for one of the retail stores that has had constant inventory management trouble for the last several years, and is everyone's least favorite store to count. It was a little better this year, but still turned into a 12+ hour workday for most of us.
     A little perk of being a manager is that I can decide on a whim that I'm going to go to work late on any given morning. Not leaving a store until 11pm then driving sleepy and cross-eyed for 30 minutes just to get home is a good reason to do so. Having the authority to adjust my store's schedule to fit my personal needs also comes in very handy on those hangover mornings.
    Speaking of hangovers, I've had a nasty cold/flu/black plague of death this past week. It was the kind of cold where you sneeze and cough so much that the muscles in your chest and shoulders get sore. You know you're sick when you have to sit down and rest for a few minutes after something as routine as a sneeze. The upside to all of this was that I got to do my job completely whacked out on various cold medicines. I made sure not to get any of that non-drowsy shit, either. All I can really say is that when you're having a bad day, take a big ol' swig of Robitussin, and see if things don't get better in a hurry.
     If you're still wondering how I'm going to segue my illness into a hangover, thanks for your patience. Here it is. One of my good customers has relatives in South Carolina, and he drives there to visit them every few months or so. Some distant member of said family distills moonshine, assumably up thar in th' hills. I have mentioned to him in the past my penchant for all members of the whiskey family, and since I give him price breaks for his personal vehicles, he occasionally repays the favor with booze. After hearing of my condition this week, he stopped by my store with a pint of genuine So' Car farm fresh, hi-octane, corn liquor on the basis that "it's good for what ails ya." Let me tell you, there is nothing like 100 proof moonshine to clear one's sinuses.
     I've subsequently learned that when you combine cold medication with self medication, it can be notoriously hard to wake up the next morning. Yet my manager super-powers allow me to buy myself  3 or 4 extra hours of sleep simply by sending a text message that usually says something like "feel like shit. see you at lunchtime. deal with it".
     Today was one of those late days for me, but fortunately my assistant manager had everything under control all morning. I came in around noon to find that all the morning paperwork was done, the stock order was checked in and put away, he had made the daily bank deposit, and all employees and customers were happy. As a reward for maintaining order in my absence, I sent him home early and proceeded to goof off in peace and quiet. Business was pleasantly slow today, so I got to catch up on paperwork and other important manager stuff like attaching bottle rockets to paper airplanes, taking naps, and crossword puzzles.
     I love days like today not because I'm a world champion class slacker, but because it is a huge boost for morale. When we are busy, I run my employees pretty hard. Some of them aren't as young as they used to be, and those busy days really take a toll. Even then, we take pride in our ability to work as a team to  provide some of the best auto parts customer service in town. When we are not busy, we take pride in the fact that we get paid to stand around and goof off. I often feel like someone left the monkey in charge of the zoo, and that I have no business being in charge of real people and real money. When I see how well my team  operates in my unexpected absence, I take pride in the fact that despite my occasional bouts of unadulterated laziness, I have cultivated the proverbial well-oiled machine.
    Now the weekend is here, playoff hockey is upon us, and my pet rhino virus is retreating. I just remembered that I still have a considerable amount of moonshine in my possession, so I'd better wrap this up. And you'd all better go take a nice long break and goof off for a while. I'm the boss and I said so.

losing

I suppose I should write a new blog entry to keep you people happy. That's right, I said "you people".
     It's pretty cool to have loyal readers. I just wish I had enough creative energy in my misfiring little blob of gray matter to keep you all reading more consistently. Sometimes real life gets in the way of my half-assed attempt at a writing career, so I appreciate your patience.
     I believe the last time we met, I was stressing out over my annual store inventory, so I should probably fill you all in on how that went. I can pretty much sum it up in one word. Poop. Yeah, it went that well. Inventory is always tough. Everyone (other store managers and salespeople) all come to help since it is a big job, so it feels like you are being judged by your peers. We managers all support each other so it's not so bad, but it's still stressful to have 20 or so people in every nook and cranny of your store. It almost feels like an invasion of privacy, like someone is going through your underwear drawer and inspecting your clothes laundering abilities. Fortunately, we managers are united against the bigger enemy (i.e. our corporate overlords), and judgement is at a minimum. We all know that we will each have our turn on the chopping block and have banded together to help each other instead of passing judgement. It's really nice to have the support of your peers, even if your store's inventory is kinda messed up and everyone had to be there until 9pm to get it all straight. Oops.
     I probably shouldn't mention specific numbers and whatnot in a public forum, but my shit was waaaaay off, to the point where I was continually lectured throughout the day/evening. Probably even to the point where I will be made an example of in some twisted corporate logic kind of way. My boss likes me well enough, but I also drive him crazy (only sometimes on purpose). He alternated between patting me on the back for trying hard and giving me stern lectures with those little veins on his forehead sticking out. I consider it a small victory when I can make his face turn bright red and make those little veins pulse. It's my way of fighting back against oppression and I must admit there's a part of me that takes a perverse pleasure in it.
    It went about as well as I expected considering my lack of preparation, and when it was all said and done, I lived to fight another day. I'm sure I haven't heard the end of it, but that is exactly why I like to go first. If my numbers come out askew, which they usually do despite my (sometimes) sincere efforts, there are 6 other stores in line to be counted after mine. Usually a certain one of them will be screwed up worse than mine, thus transferring my boss's disapproving focus onto someone else for a while. So to sum it up, it could have been better, but it can always be worse. If I may wax poetic, I might suggest that such is the story of my life.